i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
