Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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