dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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