We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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