She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
