In the future we'll all be gay
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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