apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
