Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
