I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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