She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
