was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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