I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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