Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
