There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
