Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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