I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
