Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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