Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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