Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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