I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
