Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
