One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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