There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
