I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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