I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
