I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
