Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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