I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
