Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
