so explain again why im purple
no
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
