dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
