you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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