would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
