Don't you send me to vm
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
