is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
