Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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