never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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