I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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