i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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