I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
