that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
