I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
