I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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