I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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