whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
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Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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