She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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