My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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