Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
