I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
