No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
