two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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