So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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