I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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