Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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