ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
