what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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