I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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