He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
