Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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