woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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