You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
