someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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