she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My vagina just recognized that song.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
