bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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