Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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