that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
