The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
