; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
